Writers Block

You may have noticed, I have been suffering a little from writer's block.
But as the time approches when the Christmas madness will be over and school isn't yet back in, when the boys will be visiting relatives and I will have a little time on my hands, I look forward to having another go at the draft of 'otherpleasespecify'.

The break has been good.
I still have no idea about how to make the plot work.

Berlin is still teaching me - in painful and personal ways - all about racism.
I'd like to share what I'm learning through the play, and I want to find a way to share it without crying...

funny story - real life incident

i've just returned home from spending way too much money in karstadt (local department store). i'm spending the day with tyrell today - he has *ahem* a sore throat and is off school.
so, i told tyrell about my experience at the checkout:

the assistant was going to serve an elderly white man, but he - quite rightly - indicated that i was next in line. however, he ruins the gesture by adding "wow ist sie braungebrannt! ist es schon sommer?" - which means "corr hasn't she got a suntan! is it already summer?"
i waited for someone else to say something to him, as i thought it was such an outrageous statement, that it obviously did not belong in berlin 2007, but no - his statement, which he repeated two or three times because he wanted to make sure people heard him, drew no comment.

so anyway, i just shared this story with tyrell (almost 8). he responds:
"well, i would have said 'wow! bist du kaltgefroren! ist es schon winter? ich muss nach hause rennen, mir meine jacke, schal, handschuhe und mutze anziehen!' which means...'wow! you look frozen cold! is it already winter? i've got to get home and put my jacket, scarf, gloves and hat on!'

it could be this simple!

christie is racist (part 2)

short recap: i received feedback after the first public reading of 'otherpleasespecify'. the characterisation of christie, was criticised. in particular, she was deemed to be 'the biggest racist of all'. christie - a 33 year old black single parent - is not so dissimilar to me in terms of her views and behaviour.

so... ouch!

however, i find this point of view interesting, because i would like to find out what lies behind this statement: what definition of racism is attached to it. it seems to me, that without a definition or racism, the task of eradicating it is pretty damn impossible.

defining racism is a biggy. i'm following some discussions on blogs, mainly written by 'white allies' - my favourite entries are listed in 'blog posts i like' in the right-hand column (below 'blog archive').

i made a comment on www.rachelstavern.com after reading the post more on racism and racists - i thought i might share what i wrote here:

rachel,

thank you for this fascinating post and sparking this discussion - i’ve found a lot of useful material in it. i wanted to go back a couple of steps where the topic was on institutional racism / white supremacy.
i was particularly interested by the discussion on who can/should be considered racist - everybody? everyone who is white? or just the real mad KKK people who would be proud to carry such a label?

i have been struggling with this question for many years. you will not be surprised to hear that i’m still struggling. in a nutshell: racism for me is a system or a state of being or a framework: it is synonymous with maintaining white supremacy & white privilege. everyone (i mean people of all ethnicities) engages in that to a certain extent. i guess white people in power are those who are in the greatest position to make (peaceful) changes - however i also agree with another commenter (ann?) that this won’t be happening in my lifetime. indeed, i think that before a ‘business case’ is made for dismantling white supremacy, the ‘moral case’ will never quite be strong enough. a wise person once said: “power concedes nothing without a demand. it never did and it never will” (frederick douglass). so i predict there will be an almighty struggle - which will not necessarily be peaceful - where black people & their allies will have to seize control of the future.

what will the outcome be? well ultimately, i hope it will be the creation of a society which has true race equality (i don’t believe this exists anywhere on earth, but i would love to be proved wrong). what will this look like? i honestly don’t know. it’s one of those things - we will know it when we have it, but at this moment it seems like a fairy tale.

i can say it won’t be a simple reversal of the power structure (leading to white oppresion), or a simple numbers game (eg more black leaders = freedom - although i DO believe that this could be a means to an end)

i think it will be something approximate to a society where privilege (currently experienced by white people) just does not exist (for those who may not know what i am talking about, please read: unpacking the invisible knapsack).

before we can get to THAT state we need to convince white people (and come to think of it, some black people too) that this privilege exists.

i’ve tried to write a play to capture what i think racism is and how it affects people. my blog (http://otherpleasespecify.blogspot.com) gives some information about it. if anyone would like to stop by and browse you’d be very welcome. and if anyone would like to read the play (it’s just the first draft! i want to develop it after receiving comments) just email me and let me know (email link from website).

Episode of South Park

Watch this episode of South Park - I especially loved Randy's performance poetry & launch of scholarship for African Americans.
Let me know what you think....

christie is racist (part 1)

apparently.

i had a very long conversation with someone this week, who was kind enough to spend a good 3 and a half hours with me, providing feedback on the reading (march 4th in english theatre berlin)

she said many things, mostly challenging and highly critical as far as the plot and themes raised in the play are concerned. right now, i would like to discuss one of them: christie is the biggest racist in the play.

that certainly took me back. but seeing as i want the play to be challenging, i guess there is no reason why i shouldn't be challenged in turn?

according to the lady i was speaking with (i will call her h.), christie fails to communicate to those around her who are behaving in an ignorant manner, why their behaviour and their assumptions are wrong. so for example, there is a scene with three senior white managers who behave in an outrageously dismissive way towards christie. in that scene h deems the behaviour of managers as ignorant, certainly wrong, but that christie is the racist, as she doesn't call them on their rubbish - christie misses an opportunity to rid the world of racism because she doesn't challenge it.

do you follow?

according to h, another reason why christie is racist is because she sees everything so completely in terms of 'black' and 'white'. she reduces the problems she experiences simply to being a black person and the character of christie offends white people (both those on stage and in the audience) because she is so confrontational & reductionist: 'you can't understand me, because you are white'.

i see a contradiction in these two lines of argument, but that doesn't trouble me, because i believe discussions about race, racism and identity will almost always be inherently contradictory - the language we have at our disposal to discuss these issues is far too poor to capture the richness of human experience. we are bound to stumble - the trick is to get up and keep walking just the same. and i am grateful to h for meeting with me to share her views.

having said that, i do feel the need to blog about the charge of racism levied at christie.

this could be long(!), so i will deal with this issue in several parts. for now, part 1, i will leave the charge as it stands - please feel free to leave comments...(comments policy soon come - for now, simply be respectful).

draft 2...

i needed to react quickly to this email that amy r. forwarded to me:

Arts Management student at Dartington College of Arts is offering an opportunity for new playwrights to have their work produced:

I’m seeking previously un-produced scripts of contemporary plays, from which one will be selected for development and production with my fellow students, leading to a public performance this May. Ideally this will be a collaborative process with the writer, as their vision and input and will form a vital part of the project’s development.

Unfortunately time and resource restraints demand that the piece be only approximately 40 minutes in length and involve not more than half a dozen characters. However, it may be possible to produce 2 shorter pieces, so if you’ve written something short and great then send it in!

the deadline is march 11th - tomorow?
i have done the best i can in the time available - though i still want to do more work on the characters dirk, rita, and possibly increase the role of the chorus. so regardless of the outcome of the dartington project, i am moving swiftly on to draft 3.
more soon!

did i really say that?

i keep having flashbacks of the reading on sunday. one thing that came to me as i was walking home today was the question i posed to the white members of the audience. the words were something to the effect of 'how did it feel to be othered by me?'
did i really say that?
there was a bit of a stunned silence.
i don't remember anyone answering the question directly, and the discussion moved on in a different direction
but after the discussion had ended someone did come to speak to me.
he admitted that it didn't feel very good at all, and that the play had really caused him to think...
job done then?

photos from last night

tyrell did an excellent job of reading k.b. - i was afraid he would steal the show just because he was so cute. he didn't. he was cute, but he stole the show because he was so talented. damn!



katharina & kristian played various random - sometimes not very flattering - white people in the play. two very talented actors. i'm very proud to have worked with them.


our leading man and lady: benedikt as dirk and allyson as christie. what can i say? thank you sooo much for the blood, sweat and tears! it was all worth it in the end... :-)
the roles of dirk and christie were the most demanding of all - and both benedikt and allyson rose to the challenge admirably.


as meryl was unwell, she was unable to take part as planned. sarah stepped in literally at the last minute to read rita.
she was brilliant.



just before the reading, outside the theatre
back row: katharina, kristian, lewis, allyson, benedikt
front row: tyrell, dion

the reading was a success

the play was read in front of a small audience this evening and went down very well.
i received strong feedback and constructive comments on how i can develop the play further.
i was really pleased that the audience was mixed in terms of ethnicity - it was also a small enough group for people for everyone to be able to contribute if they wished to.
anyway - the next steps.
tonight i received some conflicting pieces of advice about where to go next:
- is dirk portrayed 'too nice' or is he just right?
- were the senior white managers too over the top or are they a funny but accurate representation of what really goes on?
- is the chorus fine as it is or should i change it somehow?
i'm going to take some time to go through the comments and evaluate them.

apparently getting the first draft down is the easy bit.
now i gotta roll up my sleeves and do draft 2...

welcome...

...to a reading of my first play

otherpleasespecify

sunday march 4th, 8pm
english theatre berlin
fidicinstr. 40, 10965 berlin-kreuzberg

tel: 030 - 693 5692
tickets: 030 - 691 1211

the play is being read as part of 'the lab' series, which means audience feedback is strongly encouraged during the question and answer session following the reading.
tickets are 5 € (3 € conc.)

i really hope to see you there.

credits

a reading of otherpleasespecify, starring

christie - allyson otoo
dirk - benedict bindewald
rita - meryl prettyman
k.b. - tyrell otoo
chorus & other characters - kristian bruun & katharina lehmann

stage directions & question and answer session - sarah lewis
director - sharon otoo


sharon says:

thank you all for agreeing to help me out on this
when i'm rich and famous y'all get a limosine each, ok?

brilliant news!

first in-depth feedback - the play has gone down well with the english language theatre.
i had a meeting with sarah, the curator, three hours ago and i've been offered a space in the lab on march 4th.
ridiculously short notice.
i didn't tell her that i'm going to england tomorrow and back on 27th feb (good job she doesn't read this blog...or does she?!)
anyways, ally (my sister) has agreed to read the part of christie - and her flight is booked, so now i need to find dirk and rita.
and of course two people to read the chorus.
not forgetting that i've got to bribe tyrell or dion into reading k.b.
(anything involving computers usually works or chinese food)
oh i'm so excited!
watch this space....

thinking about dirk

dirk is a friendly white german guy, who nobody can really have anything against.
sure, he has his weaknesses, and in the play a couple of hefty ones are revealed, but great efforts have been made to show that he is a human fallible person who tries very hard to improve his ways. and he's in love with christie, a black lone parent. this is positive, right? hmm....

now, when i was creating dirk, i thought a lot about the relationships (friends, colleagues and partners) with white guys that i have had and i tried to recreate some of the emotions and conversations in him.
dirk is not a baddie.
he is just a white guy 'who doesn't know he's white'.

i did think about creating a character who was well aware of his ethnicity, of white privilege and his responsibility to challenge white supremacy. i came across a blog called 'ally work' while researching, and was very impressed by the discussions on it.
it's all very good, but this post on the importance of empathy caught my eye, and i recommend a read.

in the end though, i decided dirk needed to himself - not the person i wanted him to be (?!), so therefore he needed to be more representative of my experiences thus far.
i also think the character of dirk as he is provides dramatic tension and is someone with whom the audience will be more likely to identify with.

so what about white allies? apart from the passing reference to rita's ex-boyfriend (someone who 'knew he was white') they are not represented in otherpleasespecify.
it could be seen as a big omission.
or...thinking about my day-to-day life...maybe not...

i welcome feedback on how the character of dirk seems to you.
please let me know or post a comment below

deaths involving police officers

early this morning i fell awake - a very strange thing.
rarely for me i had had a lot of sleep in the previous 48 hours, so at 4am i woke up and stayed awake for about two hours.
i began to do a bit of research for the play and for this blog.
hmm.....

i actually had to stop in the end because what i found was so distressing.
the result of my research is to be found in the 'links' section - all the ones that begin with the word 'about'.

it occurred to me, that i might later be criticised for focussing in the play exclusively on deaths of black men as opposed to black people (non gender specific).
i thought about that for a while.
i certainly do not intend to belittle or sideline the tragic deaths of women like cynthia jarrett (UK) and maream ndeye sarr (Germany) - or those for that matter of many other individuals who have died in mysterious circumstances which involved police action or negligence (or worse) who are not black.

in the end i decided that i needed to start from the main character and work on what was going through her mind at the time in which the play is set.
and the main character is shocked by the recent deaths of black men - she identifies with this specifically because she is the mother of a young boy... a future black man.
this thought scares her completely - hence the focus on black men.

if you can, take some time to follow the 'about' links and spot the pattern...
and then lie down and consider that this is just a fraction of the deaths that i found out about.

who was jean charles de menezes?

i have wanted to write about jean charles for quite some time.
his story has been going round my head since i first found out about his death.
in fact, when news first broke that he had been killed (22 july 2005) i was pretty shocked about people's attitude to his death.
otherpleasespecify is set during this time.

who was this man? and why did his death affect me so much?

there is a lot of information on him already on the net. to research for the play, i googled his name and found information about him on the bbc website, on wikipedia as well as on a website set up by his friends and family.

suffice to say, jean was killed after the july 2005 bombings in london by the police in a tragic case of mistaken identity. it was mooted that he had been involved in terrorism and that he was about to strike again. however, the next day the metropolitan police issued a statement saying they had indeed made a mistake.

before the true facts of the shooting were revealed, i remember general popular opinion being that it was somehow jean's own fault for looking suspicious - have a look at the bbc discussion board for some of the comments. jean, it was commonly said, was a casualty of war. the police were the real victims here. i was so furious (this is the only time i can recall shouting at my mum ever in my life).

as time went by more and more details were revealed: no - jean wasn't wearing a bulky jacket, no - he didn't jump a turnstile to enter the underground and no - the police had not challenged him at any point.

numerous attempts were made to discredit him: the home office leaked his immigration status and some random woman came forward after his death and claimed that he was a rapist (later disproven by dna testing).

the shooting was such a blantant act of random violence against a person looking 'foreign' (apparently jean was positively identified because he had 'mongolian eyes' - i kid you not) i just didn't understand how the british public didn't see it.

my play isn't about jean, although i have seriously thought about dedicating it to him.
ultimately it's about the reality of looking and being out of the place - sometimes it can literally kill you.

jean, rest in peace.

white baby doll, black baby doll

those of you who know me well will not be surprised to learn that a key theme of the play is identity - how the main character views 'race'. there is a scene in the play where the main character discusses the issue as a three year old. the scene might seem a bit far fetched to some ("i don't think children see skin colour")

well, a couple of days ago, a friend of mine sent me this link:

http://www.komoradio.com/home/video/5001856.html?video=pop&t=a

it's about a documentary filmed by a high school student in the states. have a look and see what you make of it.

...it's quite painful

the first draft is complete!

now that i have completed the first draft of 'otherpleasespecify' i feel able to start a blog about it. it's almost certainly going to be a long road from this first draft to seeing it on stage.
to be honest, i'm just happy i've stuck at it this long - i've never completed a play before.
actually that's not entirely true - i once wrote a soliloquy (or is that a monologue?) which is kind of a play i guess? in one act?
also my very first play was written when i was in secondary school - in those days it was called the first year, but now i guess it would be called year 7.
it was called 'pride & prejudice'.
i gave it to my english teacher to read and give comments.
she did: she asked me why i'd written it.
i said: 'oh i dunno really - i was bored in the summer holidays...'
she said: 'that's exactly how i felt when i read it'
and i didn't complete anything creative after that for a very long time.

now i'm in touch with someone in the english theatre berlin to submit my play to 'the lab'.
i'll tell you more about that another time.
suffice to say, they were interested in seeing what i've written.
that doesn't mean a lot. they probably say that to everyone.
but they didn't give me a deadline - they just said 'get it to us asap'.
so i'm gonna stop blogging and start pdf-ing.
more very soon...